Perfectionism and Starting Over

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Have you fallen out of a routine that used to bring you peace or joy? Sometimes picking up the pieces to start over can seem like an insurmountable task. Here are some techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help you get past the anxiety and overwhelm so you can begin again.

What is Perfectionism? 

‘Perfectionism’ refers to a pervasive tendency to relentlessly seek flawlessness and set impossibly high standards for oneself. 

While perfectionists are often high-achievers, perfectionism is a quietly debilitating trait that can also present as chronic procrastination. This is because constant self-criticism, nagging fear of failure, and an inability to feel deserving of one's own accomplishments push many perfectionists into a state of near paralysis.

Why Might a Perfectionist Have a Particularly Hard Time ‘Starting Over?’

It’s hard for anyone to get back on the proverbial horse after taking a tumble. While sticking with a habit or routine once you’re in the flow of things is relatively easy, starting a new habit or getting back into a lapsed routine is a lot harder, and takes around 90 days of consistency.

In fact, people who’ve fallen out of a once solid routine often have a really hard time getting back into it—even more so than if they’re starting brand new habits. 

For folks with perfectionism, there’s a lot of cognitive distortion that makes this kind of behavior change particularly difficult.

Cognitive distortions are patterns in our automatic thoughts that can lead to negative emotions and self-sabotaging behaviors. These distortions or patterns involve interpreting situations in a way that does not align with reality and can contribute to the development or maintenance of mental health issues like depression and anxiety. 

Cognitive distortions often involve automatic negative thoughts that happen spontaneously and may not be entirely accurate. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy offers tools and techniques to identify, challenge, and replace automatic negative thoughts related to perfectionism with more balanced and realistic ones. 

By questioning the evidence supporting the beliefs that underlie perfectionism—which often involve extremes and all-or-nothing thinking—it’s possible to cultivate a more moderate and self-compassionate perspective. 

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns (i.e., cognitive distortions) that contribute to harmful behaviors and emotional distress. 

CBT has been extensively researched and is considered an effective treatment for a wide range of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and more. 

CBT can help perfectionists by creating awareness around the negative thoughts and critical self-talk that keeps them stuck in cycles of self-sabotage. 

Let’s explore how we can put some techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy into practice to help perfectionists start over. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Perfectionists.

Let’s pick an example of a perfectionist who wants to start over. 

Say you want to start going to the gym again after taking a long break.

If you find you’re encountering a lot of resistance or inertia, take a minute to stop and identify your thoughts. 

Try not to criticize or correct them at first, just “catch” them. Imagine cloud watching. 

The automatic thoughts are clouds drifting across the “sky” of your mind. You notice them, but don’t hold onto them.

Automatic negative thoughts might include, “I’m never going to be as strong as I used to.” “I’m so lazy.” “A smarter person wouldn’t act this way.”

Once you identify these thoughts, you can then evaluate them for accuracy and helpfulness. 

For example, how true is the statement, “I’m never going to be as strong as I used to be?” While it may be true that you’re currently less strong than you used to be, it’s also true that it’s entirely possible to build muscle again.

Some questions to ask yourself in order to evaluate the accuracy of your automatic negative thoughts might include:   

• “What evidence do I have for and against this?”  
• “If a close friend said this to me, what would I say to them?” 
• “I seem to have predicted the worst-case scenario—what is the best-case scenario? What is the most realistic?” 

Evaluating our automatic thoughts for accuracy can help us realize that we’re unconsciously participating in a lot of thinking errors. Some common thinking errors include:

• Catastrophizing (believing that something will happen that’s so unbearable that you won’t be able to cope).
• Fortune-telling (jumping to a negative conclusion about what’s going to happen).
• Personalizing (holding yourself 100% responsible for something not totally under your control).
• All-or-nothing thinking (believing that total success or utter failure are the only options, with nothing in the middle).
• Overgeneralizing (making a rule or a pattern after a single event or series of coincidences).

Identifying thinking errors isn’t about shaming, blaming, or criticizing ourselves for being “wrong.” It’s about recognizing that these distortions are interfering with our ability to make behavior changes and are common symptoms of the things we’re in treatment for (e.g., depression, anxiety, crippling perfectionism, etc.).

Working with a CBT Qualified Therapist.

By integrating Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques into your daily routine, you can challenge and reframe perfectionistic thoughts, embrace imperfections as part of the human experience, develop more balanced and realistic goals, cultivate self-compassion, and foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with yourself and your achievements.

Remember that overcoming perfectionism is a gradual process, and it's okay to encounter setbacks along the way. 

Working with a qualified CBT therapist who can tailor a treatment to specifically address individual needs and challenges related to perfectionism can help you navigate the obstacles that inevitably pop up in the healing journey.

CBT is a collaborative and structured approach. With consistent effort and the right support, folks who may be struggling today can learn to manage their perfectionism, get back to the activities that once brought them joy, and lead more fulfilling lives.

Are you a perfectionist living in Massachusetts seeking compassionate and highly effective mental health care? Request a free consultation here!